it seems so hard now once you've grownup its impossible to see the word happy. or being happy as a matter of fact. somewhat its no longer in the dictionary. its all about decisions. one decision that leads to another. and the worse part is that once you choose that path, then you're fully responsible for the things you've decided. how to bear the consequences is whole lot another chapter. even when you're trying to learn how to live and the mistakes you're trying to learn, it doesnt really matter anyway. it doesnt really care about you. mistakes or no mistakes, it gives no shit about how you're coping.
i just dont understand.
something so near i can almost feel it then suddenly i just have to let it go just like that. no matter how hard ive worked so hard to be able to get those. thats the most disappointing ever. the one you've worked hard and its yours but you just have to let go for the sake of others.
surprisingly i dont feel anger
i feel numb instead, somewhat confused actually and sad for the most part.
it'll take quite some time now till i'l ever wanted to work hard for something that i wanted so damn bad after this. it feels the same tho, whether you work hard or not the after is quite the same.
so why bother.
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